Well, firstly I apologise for such a long gap with nothing to write about.
Unfortunately work and that GTA IV thing kind of took away anything that could be deemed sociable or putting me in a social place – like a library for instance.

Well I shall try my best to get this back up and running – and remember to take my camera out with me to the pub, so all the fools can be shown to all….

I was sitting in bed last night, attempting to get some sleep before I had to wander into work this morning.
Anyway, at about 0330 am I was awoken by Tracey.

Now, I do not know Tracey, I know not where she lives nor do I care but what I do like about her is how fucking hilarous she was.

We are talking Saturday night into Sunday morning at 3 in the morning(ish) …..

…. clop, clop, clop, shuffle – like the sound a horse would make like it is trying to skateboard for the first time – followed by crying / cat dying.
Boyfriend is with her and the conversation was as follows :

“For fucks sake Tracey, I knew you would be like this”
“blub but I don’t want to go home, I fucking hate it there”
“shut up Tracey, we are nearly there”
“go away, leave me alone, I don’t want to go home – waaa waaa waaa”

 Now this would have been acceptable if Tracey was 12 or something but she was like 21 and on the way home from the pub.
Next time I will throw a bucket of water and some flour at them – that will teach them to keep me up

well then, the UK government has announced new rules and guidelines for immigration. Basically if you can speak English and don’t have any degrees – bugger off.

Now I live in the UK and have done for the past 22 years – thats my right – as I was born here.
However according to the points system – I can fuck off somewhere else….

 

Harsh I think would be the word to use here – at least there won’t be any unskilled people coming along – we have enough of our own for that.
Its ok to stop people who have applied to come into the country however, the problem that we have is with the illegals who keep turning up.

I think I will go to America – I can get paid twice as much for doing the same job (even after tax) its sunny and I will have to pay less tax – bargain if you ask me.

Now then, I am going to take a deep breath and dive into a subject that I know is a deep passion for a lot of you. Something that I know a few of you cannot live without, almost a complete addiction.

Yes thats right, Price Drop TV.
For non UK readers, this is a TV channel where they sell lots of worthless shit to people sat on their arses at home. I work with someone who I think watches this all the time but she will remain nameless.

Well then I notice that today they were selling a set of 2 jewelry holders – one in the shape of a hand, the other in the shape of head and shoulders with some big fuck off hat on the top of it.

Now, this was started off at some outrageous price of £45.00 – they would have to pay me more than that to take one of them – and it eventually finished at £4.99 (everyone pays this)

Not a bad bargain – perhaps, if you like old shit, you clog up your house with bollocks and you probably have a mirror with a picture of Elvis painted into it.

What I don’t think people realise is that it costs £7.99 to post it – apparently and they are paying £1.50 a minute to buy it.

So no doubt by the time they actually have it at the door, the crooks on the tv have probably made £45 for every 2 units that they sell.

 Now I am sure that half this crap is made up – here is an example ….

  item for sale …..

 news item, from the news

So then, I went out for the evening with a few friends to a place known as Reflex. There are a few of these dotted around the country. Anyhow, this is possibly one of the most closet gay bars on the planet.

No one else in there could see where I was coming from – even the blokes dressed in leggings and crop tops ?!?

 For example, I walked through the doors and the music for the duration of my wait at the bar (approx 30 minutes) was as follows…

• Club Tropicana – Wham
• Bad – Michael Jackson
• Take on me – Ah Ha
• You Spin me right round – Dead or alive
• Relax – Frankie goes to Hollywood
• Im still standing – Elton John
• When will I be famous – Bros
• Too many broken hearts – Jason Donovan

Now if you still feel straight after reading that – give yourself a pat on the back.

Meanwhile, here is a picture from the said bar.

Now, whilst sat in my local library, using the Internet, I can watch everyone else whilst still glued to the computer screen, or the monitor as it is better known.

One character that has been drawn to my attention a number of times is someone that I have taken it upon myself to call Chris. I don’t know why, I have just decided that is his name.

He could be described as a young Pete Burns.

Now this Chris doesn’t have the long hair (yet) but he does have the eye shadow and perma makeup look (he may not be wearing makeup but it does look like it).
Now may I cast your memory back to school ?
You remember the kids that always walked around on their tiptoes, like they had a perma-wedgie and their mums always packed their school bags with what seemed like big rocks – this is Chris down to a tee.

Anyway he wondered into the library clutching his can of coke and engaged in conversation with one of the chavs. His conversation wasn’t that exciting, it just seemed to revolve around job seekers getting priority on the computer, which is a load of rubbish and the chav knew so.

Chris didn’t hang around too long until he tip-toed off to find one of the 30 minute computers.

this could offend some people

So, I am sat on ‘my’ computer doing interesting things like looking at lists of stupid pictures (reason being there was someone waiting to use the computer and they as a collective make me wait, so shall they).

There was a rather un attractive woman sat next to me and a spotty little Herbert sat next to her, complete with the white tracksuit and the baseball cap, not forgetting the earphones pumping out some sort of rubbish into his already burst ear drums.

Suddenly, out of the depths of library land comes another delinquent. She could be described as a member of the simple side of society and somewhat unaware of what could be known as library etiquette. The  conversation with the chav started and was as follows :

Delinquent : Why would they do that ?
Chav : Dunno
D : But they aint got nothing on me isn’t it
C : I guess
D : The old bill can accuse me but I ain’t done nothing, I ain’t stealed anything, they can’t prove it cos he ain’t got no evidence
C : Yeah but he’s retarded anyway. He like accused everyone of selling his xbox and ps3

(The conversation continued in such a manner for a while. Myself and the unattractive woman sat there with smiles on our faces due to the pure entertainment that was unfolding in front of us.)
 

D : I’m gunna curse him, I could get some black magic on him
C : He’s already cursed cos he’s in a wheelchair, there is no point doing black magic on him cos he is in a wheelchair. Have you been to his flat ?
D : Yeah
C : He took a few mates there and they all said it smells of piss 

Bear in mind that this conversation is being held within a public library at a volume that you would expect in a crowded area

 

! LINK NOW CLOSED – YES IT REALLY DOES HAPPEN THAT QUICK ! 

It has finally arrived.
Pinecone Research are now taking applications from UK males aged 18-24 to be considered for Pinecone Research surveys.

Be quick, they don’t hang around for long.
Terms and conditions at http://www2.pineconeresearch.co.uk/

Ok, well this isn’t really an observation of a fellow human being, more like a virtual thumbs up for Nicklebacks’ latest offering.

Rockstar has some great lyrics and a catchy tune. Turn up the volume (unless you are a chav in a library, then plug in your headphones, turn it all the way up so everyone can still hear it)

Here is the video, enjoy…

 

 

 

I was watching a programme earlier on TV, some boring crap about the top 100 most annoying people of 2007. Nothing too exciting and perhaps a little boring (thats twice I said that, it must have been boring).

 Anyway, one of the ‘pundits’ they had ‘commentating’ on the list of celebs was a Perez Hilton (yes change ones name to make one sound like a celeb – tosser !). Well he was billed as a celeb blogger. Im not going to link to his site

1. because it is shit and
2. I think you need to practice google.

If you haven’t seen any of his stuff or can’t be bothered to look it up, I have taken the liberty of creating something in his style.
Now, all you need is a picture of a celeb and MS Paint, and 30 seconds of your time. Here is the result ….

 

 

Hee hee hee, it looks like she has cum on her face
and a taste if his own medicine